


say it again

by dearlyuta



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Domestic Fluff, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Friends to Lovers, M/M, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-02
Updated: 2018-10-02
Packaged: 2019-07-23 14:54:44
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,122
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16161170
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dearlyuta/pseuds/dearlyuta
Summary: Jaemin has always been the first in everything but he doesn't mind it at all.





	say it again

**Author's Note:**

> this took a while to write but i finally finished it! it's not proofread yet so please excuse any mistakes you might come across. i hope you enjoy reading!

Jaemin has always been the first.

_The first one to fall completely in love_.

Jaemin and Jeno have been friends since elementary school, arms always linked with each other's since they were much younger. It's rather hard not to end up befriending your neighbor, especially when you see them in school all too often.

They've always been close — arms thrown around each other or a hand down the back to let the other person know that they're around. It's odd to see one of them without the other boy clinging around or tailing from behind with the biggest smile playing on the edges of their lips.

No one blinks an eye anymore when Jaemin gets too affectionate with Jeno, eyes falling shut as he tries to sneak in a nap every now and then by falling asleep in Jeno's arms, just before classes start. No one says anything anymore when Jeno bursts randomly in Jaemin's classroom, begging that they should try the new café or a new arcade down the street.

But even if no one speaks up about the situation, they still arch a brow at the way the two just naturally fall into place beside each other, arms always winded around the other's waist. Sometimes, a soft snicker resounds in the room or a subtle look gets thrown in their way when the two of them act extremely affectionate, reaching the point that everyone will just casually ask if they're dating.

The answer has always been a firm _no_ leaving their lips simultaneously.

("Hey," Renjun slides up next to them, a playful grin curling on his lips while Donghyuck takes his respective seat on their other side, "how are my least favorite lovebirds doing?"

"They're your favorite? Not you and me?" Donghyuck suddenly inserts himself in the conversation, eyebrows furrowed. Renjun rolls his eyes and manages to throw a crumbled ball of paper at his direction.

"Dumbass, I said, least favorite."

"We're not dating, Injun." Jeno deadpans while Jaemin hums in agreement, head naturally falling on the other boy's shoulder as their fingers link together underneath the table. Both Renjun and Donghyuck are quick to notice the action, heads inclined in curiosity. Renjun snorts, flashing another mischievous smile at the both of them as he jumps up from his seat.

"Sure, whatever you say."

"We're really not dating—"

"Oh, look, there's Mark! I'm going to bother him."

Renjun rushes off, finding his way to the lunch table where Mark, Jisung, and Chenle are sitting at. Jaemin and Jeno simultaneously throw a look at Donghyuck, who holds up his hands in sudden defense with a wide grin tugging on the corners of his mouth.

"Injun is right, you guys are dating."

"We're not—"

"I'm gonna bother Mark too. Bye!")

But as Jaemin gazes at Jeno, his glasses perched over his nose as he concentrates on his Chemistry worksheet, pencil scratching against the paper, he finds himself asking if it's possible that Jeno and him would ever date in the future.

It shouldn't have shocked him anymore that his thoughts suddenly start collapsing on one another, all screaming the same word.

_Yes._

He finds himself smiling, leaning over to rest his head on Jeno's shoulder while an arm wraps around his waist to pull him close to his side. Jeno stops writing, sparing him a quick glance before his eyes crinkle as the corners of his lips curve upwards into a smile, pushing his glasses up again before he turns his attention back to the worksheet.

Jaemin ignores the way his heart crashed against his rib cage at the sight of the beautiful smile that graced Jeno's lips. His cheeks are burning as he rests his forehead on his shoulder to let the darkness take over his vision momentarily.

Before he drifts off to dreamland, one thought swirls in his head.

_It wouldn't be too hard to love Lee Jeno_.

Then he proceeds to fall completely, madly, and deeply in love with him.

-

_The first one to confess._

Jaemin really thought that his tiny crush on the other boy would fade away in time if he ignored it hard enough.

He tries to act nonchalant whenever Jeno falls asleep on his shoulder as they ride the bus on the way back home. He tries not to read too much into it whenever Jeno intertwines their fingers together in a loose grip as he listens to Jaemin ramble on about how difficult school is nowadays. He tries not to let it affect him whenever he's still half-asleep in Jeno's arms, the feeling of the other boy's fingers running through his strands to smoothen out the tangles is calming and comforting.

But it's really, _really_ hard not to love Jeno.

His melodious laugh rings too often in the air and the way his eyes crinkle whenever he smiles so hard is enough for Jaemin to feel like his heart will just collapse beneath his rib cage and fall straight to his feet. When Jeno concentrates too hard that his tongue sticks out slightly, eyebrows furrowed as he erases his answers on the worksheet with a groan, Jaemin finds him even more irresistibly adorable.

He tries to bury it, burn the feelings residing in his chest whenever he stares at Jeno across the room or whenever he steals a glance at his best friend and ends up finding him staring at Jaemin with the sweetest smile playing on the edges of his mouth. But it's difficult when he keeps finding more and more reasons to fall completely and recklessly in love with him, his heart aching to see more and more of Jeno's smiles directed to him and him only.

He invites Jeno out during one humid night, when the season of autumn has at its peak — the wind is a gentle caress on his skin as he makes his way up the stairs, feet resounding against the concrete steps. Both Jeno and Jaemin have memorized every turn and curve of this building, seeing how they used to race each other up to the rooftop to fall back on the concrete floor and stargaze.

Just a few floors below is where their practice room resides in, just a little room tucked at the end of the hallway by the fifth floor. They spent too many hours laughing and dancing until the ache in their muscles has become a familiarity that settles deep within their bones.

At times, Jaemin finds himself admiring at the way Jeno dances — every sharp turn and his striking brown eyes seem to hold too many emotions at once. He's breathtakingly beautiful in those kind of moments and Jaemin finds himself trying to lock every edge of those precious memories at the corners of his mind. Jaemin is often knocked out breathless, a smile always lingering just at the edges of his lips whenever the music echoes within the room and Jeno completely loses himself in dancing.

He should have known that day, one of those endless nights of staying up late with Jeno and dancing without any care in the world, is the day his heart finally took the reckless fall. He remembers how bright Jeno's eyes were that day when he fell next to Jaemin, back against the mirrored wall as he catches his breath, satisfied after executing such a move that he's been trying to perfect for the past few days.

He looks beautiful that day, eyes falling shut as his smile stays playing on the corners of his mouth and cheeks flushed, head resting against the wall. He looks peaceful, blissful and completely free that day and god, Jaemin would do anything to see him like that for the rest of his life.

The concrete is cold against his skin, a sharp contrast compared to the warm wind as he leans against the railing, staring at the breathtaking skyline stretching over the horizon. Jeno is beside him that night, his usually styled hair is messy and falling over his eyes. He's dressed in a loose black hoodie and he's awfully silent as his gaze flickers over to the sky then back to the city beyond them, admiring how the skyline compliments the way the stars shine in the distance from them.

"Can't sleep?" Jeno mumbles to him, red sneakers hitting the concrete floor as he snuggles next to Jaemin's side with his hands tucked on the pockets of his hoodie. Jaemin feels a corner of his mouth curve upwards, smiling softly at the warmth radiating off the other boy as his hand tightens its grip on the metallic railing.

"Yeah,"

"Wanna talk about it? Or is it just one of the those nights when you just get restless?" Jaemin is almost tempted to answer the second one but he knows that the never-ending ache will forever reside in the spaces of his rib cage if his confession never spills from his lips. He takes a deep breath, hands falling to his sides and tucking themselves in the pockets of his jeans as he stares straight ahead, lips pursued in a thin line.

"Jeno, I need to tell you something." Jeno blinks at him, once, twice before he tilts his head to the side, gazing at him with wide eyes. A quiet invitation for him to continue.

Jaemin swallows the lump in his throat, forcing it to fall down to his stomach before he spares Jeno another glance with lips forced into a reassuring smile.

"Jeno, I like you."

The silence resounds in the atmosphere, the busy city down the building is not serving enough distraction for them. It magnifies within the open space and Jaemin lets out a sigh, shifting from one foot to another as the color on his cheeks turn into bright red.

Jeno knits his brows at him as his lips pursue into a thin line, the confusion present in his actions. Jaemin notices it, clearing his throat as he turns to face the other boy with hands shaking due to the nervousness running through his veins effortlessly.

"I mean, of course you do. You wouldn't be my best friend if you didn't like me—"

"Jeno. I like you." Jaemin's voice is clear, crisp with no signs of it wavering or even faltering even a little bit. Jeno's teeth sinks down on his lower lip, clearly surprised at the context behind his words. An uncomfortable stretch of silence echoes between them, the tension and anticipation is thick enough that a knife can slice through it.

"Oh, I-I—"

"You don't have to say your answer now." Jaemin stops him mid-way. He can see the obvious hesitation present in Jeno's expression and he's not yet ready. He's not yet ready to receive a rejection tonight.

"Okay." Jeno's voice comes out soft, gentle this time and Jaemin is grateful for it, a hesitant smile curving on his lips. There's another awkward silence, echoing much louder this time that Jaemin can feel it pressing down on him everywhere.

"We should head back."

"Yeah," Jaemin swallows thickly and nods his head slowly, "you're right."

Jeno shoots him a small smile and Jaemin is relieved to see that at least his smile is sincere enough. They start making their way down the rooftop, fingers brushing against each other's but never intertwining.

Jaemin swallows the hurt burning within his chest instead.

-

Jaemin is greeted early in the morning by the smell of bacon and eggs, serving enough motivation for him to get out of bed. He stumbles out of his room, hair disheveled as he walks down the stairs whilst stifling a yawn from escaping his lips. The smell is much stronger now, a smile forming on the edges of his lips as he slips into the kitchen.

"Oh," Jaemin blinks.

Once, twice.

"You sound disappointed to see me early in the morning." Jeno elicits a soft laugh, putting down a plate of bacon and eggs on the table before taking off his apron and carefully puts it away. Jaemin stares at him for a moment before he finally sinks down on his chair, the smell is enough to make his mouth water and the craving  grow stronger than ever.

"Come on, eat up."

"I—" Jaemin doesn't know why he's suddenly at loss for words. It's as if every known word to him dies on his lips, rendering him speechless. He doesn't know what to do — it's unlike for Jeno to drop by early in the morning and cook breakfast for him. It's unlike to see Jeno like this at all especially since they spent the years with a routine that they know all too well. Jaemin is the one who wakes up earlier than him and picks him up as they race each other to the bus, cheeks flushed as their melodious laughter rings in the air.

It's unlike for Jeno to break their routine out of nowhere.

Jeno notices how strangely quiet he is and his expression softens, leaning down until their faces are just a few inches apart from each other. Jaemin can feel his heart rise up to his throat, every beat is echoing within the space of his body as the nervousness run even faster through his veins.

"I planned to tell you this after you eat but," Jeno's eyes crinkle as he curls his lips into a wide smile, tilting his head in such an adorable and endearing way that steals Jaemin's breath away, "I have an answer already."

_Oh._

Jaemin lets his eyes fall shut for a moment, taking in a deep breath.

_Of_ _course._

Jaemin lets his eyes flutter open, staring at the sparkling brown eyes belonging to the boy who makes his heart beat faster than ever so effortlessly. His lips part, ready to spill the words that are lying on his tongue — a practiced speech of _it's okay, don't worry_ _ _,__ __I'll__ _get over it_ when everything collapses as he feels Jeno's lips on his cheek. It's just a fleeting and gentle kiss, a simple brush of his lips on his skin but even then, Jaemin can feel himself go weak almost instantly.

"I like you too, Nana. I really do."

The shock registers on his face as he blinks rapidly. Even when Jeno already pulled away with a hesitant look passing through his dark orbs, the kiss burns on his cheek, leaving behind a trail of emotions that exploded deep within Jaemin's chest.

Jaemin lets out a breath that he didn't even know that he's holding. He elicits a relieved chuckle, cheeks painted in a red tint as he leans up, dropping a kiss on Jeno's cheek as well, lips softly pressing down on it before he sits properly on his chair once again. He loves how good the blush looks when it blooms beautifully on Jeno's cheeks.

Their gazes meet and Jaemin ends up finding himself falling even more as Jeno's eyes twinkle brightly at him, the stars swirling within them.

(When they came to school, cheeks dusted with soft pink and fingers intertwined with each other's, Renjun is the first one to sport on a smug grin as he crosses his arms over his chest.

"You're dating now?"

Both Jaemin and Jeno blush harder under their suspicious gazes, barely able to say anything else as a smile curls on the edges of their lips. Renjun looks immensely smug and proud, holding a hand out at Donghyuck. The latter scoffs, slamming a few bills on Renjun's open palm.

"See? I'm always right.")

-

_The first one to kiss him._

Dating Jeno is almost the same as being his best friend — they still act the same before the realization slammed down on both of them that they indeed like each other. They still hold hands a lot, fall asleep slowly in each other's arms or heads dropping on their shoulders as they ride the bus back to their houses.

But now, every smile that curves on their mouths and every laugh that spills carelessly from their lips seem to have a meaning underlying it. A secret that only they have the privilege to know.

It's both exhilarating and wonderful dating Jeno — Jaemin endlessly adores the other boy, eyes always crinkling as a grin tugs on his lips, watching the way the older boy accidentally fall asleep in the middle of doing his worksheets or when he's barely listening to the lessons in their classes. Everything about Jeno is just incredibly easy to love — from his little habits of sticking out his tongue playfully to the way he can't stop blushing when Jaemin casually flirts with him.

Jaemin spends his time just quietly admiring the other boy, his bright, starry eyes traced on every gesture and movement that Jeno unknowingly does. But his favorite moment is when Jeno is asleep in his arms after a whole night of doing homework. He knows Jeno is the type to overwork then fall back in his arms, fast asleep with eyes shut tightly, never waking up until the crack of dawn slips in.

It's in those moments when Jaemin takes his time silently gazing at him, admiring how his forehead still creases when he's deep in dreamland or the way his eyebrows furrow slightly, as if concentrating on something before he completely relaxes once he feels Jaemin tighten his arms around him. It's endearing and adorable, his breath constantly stolen away as Jeno curls up in his embrace, snuggling close to seek more warmth from the other boy.

But at times, he finds himself getting dazed over how pink and pretty Jeno's lips are. He wonders what's it like to feel Jeno's lips pressed against his own — is he as sweet and soft as he imagines him to be? Will he taste the stars, galaxies, and constellations on him during their first kiss?

He wonders about it all too often, his head spinning from all the thoughts that are swirling in his mind. He gets restless late at night, imagining different scenes over and over again in his head, smoothening out all the creases of each scenario.

Every time he loses himself, leaning in and crossing the distance with them, Jeno backs away, as if it's out of habit. The older boy's cheeks would color themselves in red tint, bright enough to catch anyone's attention, apologizing profusely under his breath. Just incoherent words slipping past his lips before he breathes out an _I'm_ _sorry_ before his cheeks burn even more.

Jaemin understands him — he doesn't want to push it too much so they just end up holding hands under the lunch table, thumbs occasionally running across each other's knuckles whilst nonchalantly listening to one of their friends complain about their difficult homework. Or if Jeno is daring enough, he'll slip an arm around Jaemin's waist, tugging him close enough until he can rest his head on his shoulder whilst his other hand plays with Jaemin's fingers lightly.

But the more Jaemin thinks about kissing Jeno, the more frustrated he gets.

"You two haven't kissed yet?" Renjun arches a brow, clearly interested in the sudden secret that spilled from Jaemin's lips. As soon as the bell rang a moment ago, he immediately ran to the art room, where Renjun spends his free period to paint and draw in a peaceful and calm environment with little to no minor disturbances happening.

"Not really." Jaemin heaves a sigh, dropping on one of the stools, cheeks warm as he rubs his palms against them with his lower lip jutted out in a form of a pout. Renjun tries his best not to let the corners of his lips curve into a smirk but he fails entirely, snickering softly as he focuses on running his paintbrush across the canvas, leaving behind a trail of midnight blue paint.

"That's interesting. I've always thought that once you two stop being so oblivious and start dating, you would be making out in Building C, third floor, in the very last classroom in the hallway, which is abandoned by the way so I guess that works—"

"That place," Jaemin stops him mid-way, gesturing to the other boy with furrowed eyebrows, "sounds so... specific, Injun. Do you do that with Hyuck?"

Renjun doesn't speak at first, eliciting a cough as his cheeks turn into scarlet red, keeping his gaze on his unfinished painting drawn out on the canvas. He clears his throat, finding his voice a moment later before the words spills from his lips.

"That isn't my point. My point is, what's so hard about kissing Jeno? Both of you are so affectionate already so I don't think Jeno would outright reject you."

"But that's exactly what's happening." Renjun stops, finally withdrawing his gaze from the canvas to raise an inquisitive brow at his friend.

"Really?"

Jaemin nods his head sullenly, the edges of his mouth curling downwards to show off his frown.

"He avoids me whenever I lean in and he apologizes almost immediately."

"He might be shy," Renjun quietly offers, shrugging his shoulders as he goes back to painting, the creases on his forehead appearing as he concentrates on adding a splash of color in the expertly drawn stars, giving them a glowy kind of feeling, "you know how Jeno is. Maybe try asking him? Ask him if he's uncomfortable with kissing you or if he's just awkward and shy since both of you haven't had your first kisses."

Jaemin pursues his lips in a thin line, deep in thought. Renjun does have a point — Jeno tends to be a little awkward with more affectionate acts at times. When Jaemin first became really affectionate to him, he backed away too fast, as if he's afraid but later on, he admitted that he got nervous and shy. He's not used to being clingy with anyone but Jaemin has always been a special exception to that.

But still, it wouldn't hurt to try and ask him, right?

-

"Nana!" Jeno greets him as soon as the door swings open, cheeks warm and the brightest smile playing on his lips. It's a Saturday afternoon and Jaemin spent the last three days in his room, repeating his conversation with Renjun in the art room. He's embarrassed to admit it but he imagined this scene too many times, carefully smoothening out the curves and creases in each scenario so it'll go smoothly.

"You sound so excited to see me." Jaemin laughs, his chest feeling light as his heart races beneath his rib cage, the beat echoing within his body. His heart just never fails to remind him how much he adores the other boy with every little part of him.

"Of course I am!" Jeno shuts the door as Jaemin walks past him, the two of them going up the stairs side by side, "Are you excited to see me too?"

"Always." Jaemin answers instantly and that seems to render Jeno into a blushing, mumbling mess, his gaze dropping to the wooden floor as he pushes the door open to his room. He follows the older boy inside, already familiar with every corner and wall belonging to the bedroom as he makes his way to the bed. The sheets crumple a bit under his weight but Jeno doesn't say anything, choosing to take his seat right next to him with a wide smile still curled on his lips.

Jaemin takes a moment to admire the other boy — his brown hair falling over his dark eyes, watching them crinkle as the stars twinkle deep within his dark orbs. His nose scrunches up out of habit, head tilting to the side. His smile never wavers at all, always tugging on the corners of his lips, always making Jaemin feel like his heart will just skyrocket out of his chest at the excessive fast beating of his heart.

(He promptly blames it on the coffee but he knows that whenever Jeno smiles, laughing all too loudly, a tug on his heartstrings causes his heart to go wild all over again.)

"Jeno, can I ask you something?"

There's a sound of shoes shuffling against the floor before they drop as Jeno sits cross-legged on his bed, facing Jaemin.

"Okay, shoot."

His throat is suddenly dry and his fingers won't stop twitching. He grips the sheets subtly but even then his fingers still shake a little, the nervousness running too fast in his veins that he can't dispose the feeling. He turns to Jeno, cheeks burning — he's so shy that he can't even lift his gaze to meet Jeno's chocolate brown eyes.

He takes a deep breath, his eyes fluttering shut to collect all the statements and words residing in his head and loop them in a coherent train of thoughts. Jeno has his brows knitted, lips parting to let his worry escape past them when Jaemin beats him to it, voice growing a little shaky.

"Is it okay," Jaemin swallows thickly, his eyes meeting Jeno's as his cheeks grow warmer, "if I kiss you?"

Jeno doesn't answer at first, cheeks flushed as he fumbles over his words, suddenly flustered and surprised because of the offer presented to him. Jaemin is staring at him expectantly, the hope sparkling deep within his eyes that Jeno just can't help it anymore — he can never say no to him.

"That's okay," He breathes out, cheeks hot as his smile grows wider that it reaches his eyes to make them crinkle in such an endearing manner, "I'd love that, actually."

Jaemin blinks rapidly, cheeks growing hot. He really didn't expect that kind of response but he certainly can't say that he's not happy — he's incredibly elated, a smile effortlessly gracing the corners of his lips as his fingers twitch once again, the need to press his fingers on Jeno's cheeks to caress them in a featherlight kind of touch is an ache that runs through his veins.

He faces Jeno properly, pulling himself forward as he reaches out, palms gently cupping the brown-haired boy's cheeks. His skin feels soft and Jaemin can hear the erratic beating of his heart echoing in his rib cage. It's such a steady and fast pace — _thump, thump, thump_ — that it manages to drown out every other sound gently bouncing off against the four walls of the room.

If he looked more closely that day, he would have noticed the way Jeno's breath hitches, gaze flickering from his lips then back to his eyes, as if he's trying to gauge out his reaction. His hands are restless against his sides so he reaches out, running them along Jaemin's lithe waist and pulls him closer to slide his arms around it in a careful and tight grip.

As Jaemin allows himself to be tugged closer, he admires the way the sunlight slips through the window, illuminating Jeno's dark brown eyes in such a soft and gentle manner. He looks brighter this way, starry eyes shining with a shy smile tugging on the edges of his lips. He's breathtakingly beautiful and Jaemin can no longer ignore the ache that exploded within his the expanse of his heart.

Such a beautiful ache, indeed.

He leans in, taking in every curve and dip of Jeno's striking features and memorizing every little detail, burning all of them into his head so he can never forget. He can feel Jeno's hot breath on his lips and his heartbeat quickens, a sudden rise from the steady beating that he's so used to. Every emotion is running too quickly, too fast for him to decipher everything — his head spinning, making him dizzy from too many thoughts that crowded within his mind.

His eyes fall shut, darkness spreading out and covering every speck of light that his vision has gotten used to already. He takes a deep breath, chest aching even more before he leans in closer, taking a reckless fall with his heart at his throat.

Everything stops after that.

His heart seems to stop beating and his fingers have stopped twitching the moment he felt Jeno's soft lips press against his. All of his emotions collapsed and exploded against one another — a cacophonous mess echoing within his body but soon turned into the sweetest melody.

Jeno is hesitant, careful so Jaemin pulls him closer, a quiet invitation for him to drop everything and dive in deep. He feels the older boy's hands tighten around his waist and his breath visibly hitches when Jeno tentatively responds, growing more and more confident as each second passes by.

Jeno's lips are soft, sweet — exactly how Jaemin had imagined. The sweetness is like a wave crashing inside of him, a burst of dizzying happiness that Jaemin knows he'll never experience with anyone else. He's so elated, floating high on cloud nine that he didn't even realize that the corners of his lips are curled into a smile as he kisses Jeno deeply, stomach churning in the most wonderful way possible.

Everything about Jeno is addictive, intoxicating and Jaemin isn't ashamed to say that he's already hooked on the feelings running endlessly in a loop through his veins, circulating throughout his whole body and putting him in a heaven-like experience. This kiss is everything that he has ever wanted and even more, exceeding all limits of his expectations.

When Jeno pulls away first, his cheeks are burning, a pretty blush across his skin. Jaemin's eyes flutter open, burying the feelings that are threatening to explode within him again as he gazes at the brown-haired boy with the sweetest and happiest smile that ever curved on his lips. Jeno elicits a bright laugh, such a pretty, pretty laugh that Jaemin finds himself falling for him all over again just like before.

"Again?" Jeno murmurs, fingers already curling around the collar of Jaemin's shirt to tug him close, lips brushing against his. He emits a chuckle, cheeks also dusted with pink as he nods his head with no hesitation, smiling softly in between the soft pecks that Jeno drops on his lips. His arms round themselves around Jeno's waist, pushing him down on the bed and drapes his body on top of him in a comfortable manner before he grins.

"I'd love that."

-

_The first one to say I love you._

Jaemin's gaze flickers up from his worksheet, his eyes settling on Jeno's hunched form. The other boy looks stressed, exhausted as he clicks his tongue in annoyance, the tip of his pencil scratching against the paper to work out a Mathematical problem before he hastily erases half of his solution upon realizing that his answer is wrong again.

It's exam week so Jaemin does understand how stressful it can be for all of the students. But Jeno has to sacrifice more at this time, always sleeping late and waking up at the crack of dawn to choreograph a new routine for the dance varsity team whilst trying to slip in a few minute of crammed studying.

Jaemin, being the good boyfriend he is, always tries to offer help to him — help him choreograph during their breaks and tutor him too for the more difficult lessons that Jeno struggles to understand. He always brings water bottles for him, hiding them in his backpack because Jeno seems to be always on his feet, running around to get to different classes and complete extra credit.

Right now, he feels a different kind of ache — the heaviness residing in his chest and tugging harshly on his heartstrings, as if his emotions are threatening to break them apart. He hates seeing Jeno lose the sparkle in his bright brown eyes as he dives in through mountains of stressful work that lasts for weeks.

Even when Jeno constantly reassured him that Jaemin is doing more than enough, he still feels like he needs to do even more. Hell, if he can take up more than half of the burden resting on Jeno's shoulders as of the moment, he would have done it in a heartbeat, no questions asked.

"Jaem, you can go home if you want. You don't have to stay up with me." Jeno mumbles, concentrating on his worksheet as he lists out his answers on it, knitting his brows every now and then out of frustration.

"It's fine, I can just call my mom and tell her that I'm staying here for the night. I just don't want her to freak out because I'm not home yet." Jaemin flips through the pages of his book, fingers brushing lightly along the spine before he spares Jeno a subtle glance. Jeno cracks a smile at his words, shaking his head as he pushes his glasses up.

"You live right across me, Nana. Why would she worry like that?"

"She always thinks that I'm in Injun or Hyuck's houses and thinks that they're so far away, which is weird since they're both just a few blocks away." Jeno can't help but burst into a fit of laughter, shaking his head again before his gaze momentarily flickers over to Jaemin with a smile tugging on the corners of his lips. Jaemin can't help but swoon over the sight of his boyfriend with his breathtaking smile again — it's such a refreshing sight after all the frowns that creased on his mouth.

They fall into a comfortable silent — Jaemin browsing through his book and occasionally halting to write some quick notes in his notebook and Jeno still concentrating hard on his worksheet as he works out on another formula. Usually, Jaemin doesn't mind this kind of silence stretching between them but tonight, he feels more restless than usual. His gaze keeps flickering from Jeno then back to the pages of his book — he's so distracted that the words and letters rearrange themselves every time he tears his eyes away from the paper, forming incoherent words and sentences that don't make any sense at all.

When his eyes flicker back to Jeno for what seems to be the fourth time already, his heart jumps to his throat. His emotions are suddenly overwhelming, running through his veins all too fast that they make his head spin in a dizzying manner. They burst one by one when his emotions reached his heart, each one is a greater explosion compared to the previous one. His thoughts collapse once again, all repeating the words that his heart has been aching to say for the longest time already.

"Jeno, I love you." His voice surprisingly comes out steady, clean with no sign of wavering. As if the nervousness isn't exploding within his chest as of the moment.

Everything stays still after that.

His breath hitches as his fingers twitch uncomfortable, beating against the wooden table in a cacophonic rhythm. He forces himself to stop after a shaking moment, a stretch of silence following right after as it echoes all too loudly in the air.

Jeno has stopped writing as soon as the words left his lips, his eyes wide as they settle on Jaemin's expression. He blinks once, twice, cheeks painted in a pink tint and for a second, Jaemin thinks that he looks awfully pretty just like that. Jeno's fingers tighten around his pencil, brows knitted as if thinking too hard before a subtle smile curls on his lips, looking straight at Jaemin.

"I know."

And after that, the silence echoes again as he goes back to writing, losing himself almost immediately to the work in front of him. It's as if a breathtaking confession didn't spill from Jaemin's lips a moment ago.

Jaemin nods his head, even though Jeno can't see it as his gaze drops back to the book, running his smooth fingers along the spine. He swallows all other love confessions that are dying to leave his lips, losing himself in his work as well.

They don't speak about it for the rest of the night.

Nor the days after that.

-

Jaemin doesn't know what went wrong this time.

He can't pinpoint the reason why Jeno would refuse to say the words back to him. He knows Jeno loves him just as much as he does and if he's being honest, Jeno might even love him more on other days. He feels it with every smile that's thrown to him every time they lock gazes from across the room or when they're beside each other. Every laugh that's shared between them, the laugh that echoes in the hallway as they run around, chasing each other or when their laughter sounds shushed, silent when they're falling asleep in each other's arms.

It just seems baffling and disappointing — a heaviness that Jaemin feels within his chest whenever he sees Jeno. It's even harder to talk to him nowadays due to Jeno getting busier, choreographing the routine alone in the school's dance practice room and rushing to different classes to squeeze in some extra credit and crammed studying. Jaemin only gets to see him properly during weekends so he can't find it in himself to complain, especially when he knows that Jeno is all his by the end of the day.

It doesn't mean that he doesn't feel the ache and longing in his heart whenever Jeno isn't around.

"He never said it back?" Renjun's voice is soft, gentle as his hand stills from completing his painting for a moment, gaze flickering over to him. Jaemin resolved to spend his free period as well in the art room, his schedule colliding with Renjun's and becoming a sort of permanent fixture in it. Renjun doesn't mind since Jaemin is a comforting and familiar presence around, even when his concentration might get broken from time to time because he has to hold a conversation with him.

Jaemin pursues his lips in a thin line and helplessly shrugs his shoulders, a crooked smile on his lips, "No, he didn't."

"Huh, that's weird," Renjun runs his paintbrush across the canvas, leaving once again a trail of dark blue to show off the night sky, "he looks at you as if you light up the entire world, Nana. It's surprising that he wouldn't say it back."

Jaemin can't find his words anymore so he settles on shrugging his shoulders, a sullen look displayed on his face. The door swings wide open, breaking the flow of their conversation as they both turn their attention to the intruder.

"Oh, Nana, what are you doing here?" Donghyuck flashes a bright smile at their direction, waving his camera in his hand as he shuts the door carefully. There's an excited bounce in his steps as he approaches them both with flushed cheeks.

"What's with the camera?"

"He's a photographer now," Renjun suddenly speaks up, wrinkling his nose when he accidentally drops his paintbrush, bending over to pick it up, "he says that he only takes pictures of the most beautiful boy in the universe."

"Which is you, by the way." Donghyuck gestures to him and Renjun scowls in response though the blush blossoms on his cheeks, coloring them in scarlet red as he dips his the tip of the brush on a lighter color of blue.

"Shut up."

"Aw, I love you too!" Donghyuck replies cheerily, raising his camera to snap a quick picture of Renjun before the other boy can even take a second to realize what's happening. Renjun blushes harder this time, playfully squishing his cheeks as he tries hard not to let a smile curl on his lips.

Jaemin stares at them with a smile lingering on his lips but the ache never wears off — it only intensifies now. He misses Jeno even more as of the moment, especially after witnessing his two friends like this.

Even when Renjun pushes Donghyuck away, playfully saying that he doesn't like this and that, Jaemin can still see the way his eyes turn brighter when the other boy is around, heart already melting just at the sight of him. Even now when Renjun is teasingly pinching his cheeks, he can see the way his lips part to say _I love you_ to Donghyuck with the brightest eyes and the biggest smile ever.

Jaemin feels a slight tug on his heartstrings, the sadness slowly making its way to the spaces of his rib cage.

He wants that kind of love too.

-

Jaemin hates the ache in his chest though by now, it's supposed to be a familiarity, an emotion that circulates through his entire body, through the narrow way of his veins. His feet feel a little heavy today as he drags them to the bus stop, an inaudible sigh slipping past his lips.

It's Friday, the end of their exam week and honestly, Jaemin expected that he should breathe easier this time but the sadness is crushing his lungs as of the moment. Jeno had nonchalantly dismissed him with a wave of his hand, telling him quickly that he still has practice so _Jaem, you can go home by yourself, right?_

Jaemin swallows the hurt, burying it beneath the spaces of rib cages as he tries his best to curve his lips into a smile. His lips have parted already, ready to say his answer when Jeno suddenly takes off without another glance thrown at him, shoes resounding against the linoleum flooring. He ends up standing there, jaw slacked before his mouth falls shut again, turning on his heel sharply to walk as fast as he can past the doors.

He's disappointed and upset but he doesn't feel the need to complain. He feels too guilty to do that — even when exam week is over, Jeno still has so many things on his plate and he certainly just can't afford to slack off now. The routine is almost finished from what he heard from one of the seniors in the varsity team but still, it looks like Jeno still has to polish the dance before presenting it to the team.

The ride home feels empty, lonely and he ends up tracing his memories from before — vaguely remembering Jeno's soft chuckles beside him as they share earbuds, listening to his new music while they discreetly slip their fingers in the spaces of their hands. He can certainly remember the way Jeno's head will fall on his shoulder, brown hair falling over his eyes as he drifts in and out of dreamland with his hand squeezing Jaemin's fingers every now and then.

He feels empty without Jeno pressing himself comfortably against his side and he heaves a sigh, willing his thoughts to collapse into nothingness. The bus slowly halts into a stop and he carefully gets off, a bounce in his last step as he grips one of the straps of his backpack, feet moving down the pavement just like falling back into an old routine. The sounds surrounding him — the cars honking and children running around with their gleeful laughs spilling all too easily from their smiling lips — seem to be louder than he ever thought them to be. They also prove to be a fatal yet perfect distraction from his train of thoughts as he walks up to his front porch, cheeks flushed because of the humidity.

He takes out his key, turning the lock before he pushes the wooden door open, frowning at the silence that bounces off the house. That's odd — there's always some sort of noise bustling in any part of the house since his parents are more eager to stay at home. It's been too long since he last heard a deafening silence like this and his thoughts come slamming down on him out of nowhere, throwing him off.

He huffs in annoyance, taking off his shoes as he runs up the stairs, feet softly padding against the steps before he arrives at the last door in the hallway. His fingers circle around the golden doorknob, turning it in such a gentle manner that he can barely hear the click of the lock before he quietly pushes the door open.

He never truly expected anything when the door gently swings open.

A plushie of the Ryan doll he's been wanting for weeks is sitting on the foot of his bed, paired with a box of the sweetest chocolates that he adores. He eagerly runs up to the gifts, feeling giddy as his chest bursts from so many emotions, waves of happiness crashing within him all too fast that his head spins. He's too excited, head buried deeply in the exhilarating feeling running through his veins that he never heard the soft sound of feet pattering against the floor until he hears someone clearing their throat.

Jeno is standing there, a cheeky grin now playing on his lips with three red roses in his hands. He looks like he ran all the way from the school to Jaemin's house, based on the lines of exhaustion across his expression and the obvious sign of flushed cheeks as he catches his breath. It doesn't seem to bother him though — he looks elated to see Jaemin. Just the sight of his dazzling smile is enough proof of it.

"Hi," He says in between rushed breaths, cheeks flushed as he crosses the distance between them. Jaemin blinks at him, clearly surprised that he's rendered speechless, too many thoughts and emotions now crashing inside of him simultaneously.

Jeno makes a wild gesture, pointing to the doll sitting on the foot of the bed and the box of chocolates before he shyly holds out the flowers. He takes a deep breath, just to calm himself before the words spill all too easily past his lips.

"I love you, Na Jaemin," He's smiling so, so widely and he looks so ethereally beautiful that Jaemin is enthralled by his whole existence, "I love you so much."

He's blushing hard now, a pretty red color blooming on his cheeks as his gaze flickers from the floor to Jaemin's unwavering stare. His fingers won't stop twitching and there's that familiar tug on Jaemin's heartstrings when he realizes that Jeno is nervous about everything.

But now, the tug seems gentler, softer just like a calm wave washing over him now.

"I love you too." Jaemin breathes out shakily and Jeno looks so much brighter now, especially upon hearing the same words escape his boyfriend's lips. He reaches forward, dropping the roses on the sheets before he delicately cups Jaemin's cheeks in his palms, starry eyes shining so brightly that the sight alone takes away Jaemin's breath.

"I love you." Jeno whispers against his lips, a smile lingering on the edges of his mouth before they meet halfway. The kiss is dizzyingly beautiful, a pleasurable feeling that Jaemin finds himself inching much closer now with his arms winding themselves around Jeno's waist as he smiles widely against his lips. Jeno laughs, such a beautiful sound slipping in between the kiss and Jaemin swears he can hear the melody resound within his entire body. He doesn't wait before he dives in deep, completely falling over the line and drowning in every wave of happiness and adoration he has for Jeno only.

He isn't afraid of anything.

He has Jeno now.

-

("I love you," Jaemin murmurs against the crook of his neck one Sunday afternoon, a laugh spilling from his lips afterwards. Jeno blushes hard, smiling widely as he playfully pinches Jaemin's cheek with his hand.

"Shut up."

"I love you." Jaemin repeats, his eyes falling shut as he erupts into a quiet fit of laughter, the sound echoing and resounding throughout his whole body. Jeno shakes his head, shifting his position so he's facing Jaemin properly as they lay side by side on the bed. There's a hand on his cheek and Jaemin keeps his eyes shut, his breath getting stolen away as Jeno's lips crash against his once more for a sweet, sweet kiss.

"I know," Jeno whispers after a moment, pulling away from the kiss as he lays his forehead against Jaemin's with the traces of a smile lingering on the corners of his lips, "I love you too."

Jaemin has always been first.

The first one to fall completely in love.

The first one to confess.

The first one to kiss him.

The first one to say I love you.

But it doesn't matter if he has always been the first in everything about this. It doesn't matter that he used to spend late nights thinking about Jeno and wondering if the other boy will ever reciprocate his feelings.

Because now, it doesn't matter if Jeno takes a heartbeat too long. It doesn't matter if Jeno is the last to say it.

As long as Jeno looks at him with his starry eyes and tell him _I love you_ at the end of every single day, Jaemin doesn't mind it.

Jaemin doesn't mind being the first at all.)

**Author's Note:**

> thank you for reading! feel free to talk to me in [twitter.](http://twitter.com/jenosaints)


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